An Episode of Not Quite Dead.

Episode Content Warnings

Please bear in mind that this show is a work of horror fiction and frequently places characters in situations which jeopardise their psychological and physical health. This episode contains:

– sudden, loud noises

– profanity

– descriptions of medical injuries

– mishandling bodies of deceased/potentially deceased persons

– descriptions of violence and torture

– descriptions of nonconsensual blood-drinking

– discussion of violent medical abuse and torture, including medical abuse which harmed children

– mentions of IV access points

– mentions of needles/cannula

– audio depiction of a blood draw

Transcript

A DOOR KNOCKS

A KEY TURNS IN A LOCK

A DOOR OPENS

HALEY
No.

DOOR SLAMS

ALFIE
(voice raised)
Haley?

HALEY
You’re dead!

ALFIE
Not quite.

HALEY
What the fuck is wrong with you?!

ALFIE
I– I’m sorry. Haley, please can we talk?

DOOR OPENS SLOWLY

HALEY
Alfie. Is that really– is it really you?

ALFIE
Probably.

SOFT THWACK

ALFIE
Hey! Don’t hit me!

HALEY
You absolute PRICK it has been a YEAR! A year! I thought you were dead!

ALFIE
I know, I know I’m sorry!

HALEY
You have no idea– you don’t know! Jesus christ!

ALFIE
Can we not do this on the doorstep?! Please?!

HALEY
Fine, fine.

DOOR SHUTS. THEY WALK INSIDE.

ALFIE
Tammy’s headphones.

HALEY
She was here this afternoon, with your mum.

ALFIE
Yeah?

HALEY
Yeah. They.

PAPERS MOVE

ALFIE
Missing persons flyers? Haley. You were supposed to–

HALEY
I couldn’t give them your fake suicide note, Alfie, are you actually fucking– how could I do that?

ALFIE
You just said you thought I was dead.

HALEY
I was less sure than I– even if I was certain you’d carked it, Alfie, I still couldn’t have– could you?!

ALFIE
I suppose I– I suppose I don’t know.

HALEY
Right. Horrible thing to ask someone to do, by the way. I’ve felt sick about it basically every single day since I last saw you. Which was over a year ago.

ALFIE
I know, I’m sorry.

HALEY
Couldn’t you at least have let me know you were alright?!

ALFIE
There wasn’t a way to– I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Things have been kind of manic.

HALEY
Oh they’ve been manic for you, have they? NHS collapsing, my best friend disappears off the face the earth after telling me vampires fucking exist and making me sneak him into the hospital to do the world’s weirdest x-rays. Your blood was insane, by the way, you had like four infections and maybe some kind of fucking blood cancer.

ALFIE
Wait, what?

HALEY
Yeah it– no! No! Not the fucking point! You! Are an ASSHOLE.

ALFIE
I know, I’m sorry!

HALEY
I– oh my god. You’re a— are you? Are you a…?

ALFIE
Yeah. I am.

HALEY
You didn’t even call to tell me you’re a fucking vampire, this is like getting married in secret but like a million times worse, this is terrible, and it’s been– your mum and Tammy, and Grace, she’s only just gone back to uni.

ALFIE
She– wait, she came back?

HALEY
Of course she did, you monumental turd. Her brother went missing. Her brother who has a track record of abusive relationships starts dating a mysterious man who doesn’t get formally introduced to the family, who you’re weirdly obsessed with, and then you vanish.
(pause)
They think you’ve been abducted and murdered.

ALFIE
What?

HALEY
Logically, Alfie, of course they fucking think that! What else can they think? What am I supposed to do? You know, honestly, it was a shitty fake suicide note anyway, if I’d given that to them it would have made them even more convinced you’d been abducted. And then there was that fucking photo on Instagram a few months ago. They’d started to move on before that, and then you were there, in that pub– it was sort of blurry, but I think it was you. Was it you?

ALFIE
I– I don’t—

HALEY
And then after that, I’ve got Tammy sitting in my kitchen, crying. Because in the photo you look happy, Alfie. They spoke to the guy who took it, down in Kent, and he said he didn’t remember, he was super drunk, he just barely remembered two shady guys from out of town were there in the local pub, that’s all he remembers. And Tammy, she’s like. What if he left us on purpose? And I have to stand here because you did leave on purpose, Alfie. You did. You left. Now your mum isn’t well, she’s had a significant nervous breakdown. Grace came back from uni after you’d been gone three days. She’s only just gone back, and I worried she wouldn’t, not with the state of your mum. And Tammy’s not. She’s not doing great. She’s so young and it’s a lot of pressure. Now Grace has gone back to uni, she’s having to pick up a lot of the housework. She’s… she’s running an anonymous tip website, but it mostly gets full of porn spam and. Hateful messages.

ALFIE
Jesus.

HALEY
Honestly, I’m surprised you don’t know. It’s been all over the internet.

ALFIE
There isn’t any internet at the house.

HALEY
God, you know, I hadn’t even thought about that.

ALFIE
What?

HALEY
Where you’ve been. Like the physical location. Where have you been?

ALFIE
A house out on the moors. It’s in a bit of a state. We have running water now though.

HALEY
Jesus, like Dracula’s castle. You found him, then?

ALFIE
Who?

HALEY
Your scary vampire boyfriend who ditched you when you were dying!

ALFIE
He didn’t ditch me, Haley, he–

HALEY
I don’t care what you say, he shouldn’t have left you in that state, not when it was practically impossible for you to ask for help. It was fucking horrible of him to do that.

ALFIE
It wasn’t his fault.

HALEY
So where is he now then?

ALFIE
In the front seat of my car.

HALEY
Well. I’d like to speak to him.

ALFIE
You can try but you won’t get much out of him.

HALEY
I can be very persuasive.

ALFIE
He’s not said a word for months. He’s not even moved.

HALEY
Uh. Okay? Are you being… metaphorical, or…?

ALFIE
No. That’s why I’m here.

HALEY
Of course it is. You selfish prick. Of course it’s about your magic fucking boyfriend.

ALFIE
Fuck me. I should have stayed away. It’s easier for everyone if I just stay away.

HALEY
Oh that is some bullshit! Some fucking bullshit. It’s ‘complicated’, yeah, it’s extremely fucking– complicated. You stay away because it’s easier for you.

ALFIE
It’s not safe.

HALEY
Why? Are all the vampires coming to eat me now you’ve shown up here?

ALFIE
They actually fucking might, you know! There’s shit going on, complicated shit, and I– I am in the middle of this because of Casper, because he.

HALEY
He what?

ALFIE
There were things he didn’t explain to me. Secrets he was keeping.

HALEY
Alfie.

ALFIE
What. Haley, what?

HALEY
Of course he was keeping secrets from you. You knew he was. You were borderline obsessed with it, like, when we finally got to talk, you were so fucking into the fact he was keeping things from you to keep you safe, it was– honestly it was a little pathetic. If you’d been sensible for like maybe two consecutive minutes instead of being led everywhere by your sex drive, you’d have realised that he was keeping SO much from you, Alfie, it was extremely obvious.

ALFIE
Why didn’t you say something to me?!

HALEY
You were lovestruck. I did say something. Repeatedly. I was extremely worried about this fucking guy. He was dodgy as all hell. I hated how turned on you were by him keeping stuff from you, and when it turned out he was. What. Vampiric or whatever. I honestly. Even when you showed me, even when I had objective proof, it’s so hard to not be like ‘whatever loser, you sound like every other self-important asshole’.

ALFIE
Haley, don’t.

HALEY
Oh you can’t still be gone on him! Surely the mystique is gone, you’re a vampire too! Come on! He sucked, no pun intended, he really did!

ALFIE
Haley.

HALEY
Sure, he had redeeming qualities and he was , ugh, better than Ben, but my god that bar is not just low it’s on the fucking ground. It’s buried in the ground, it’s—

ALFIE
Haley.

HALEY
What?! Why are you handing me a notebook? What are… what’s this diagram?

ALFIE
That shows every injury he currently has.

HALEY
Jesus.

ALFIE
Turn the page. That’s what I’ve been doing. To try to wake him up.

HALEY
He’s just. There. He’s not decaying at all?

ALFIE
No.

HALEY
What on earth… and you’re sure he’s not just. Faking it?

ALFIE
He’d be starving. There is no way to control hunger like that. I’ve got close it myself. A couple of weeks without blood, it’s like I can’t think. I can hardly form coherent sentences. It would be impossible to fake this. As far as we know, there’s no precedent for this.

HALEY
How did this happen?

ALFIE
It was done to him, deliberately, somehow. How exactly, I don’t know. Remember last time I saw you? I told you it was dangerous, the kinds of questions you were asking about the mechanics of the blood.

HALEY
Yes. Is this why?

ALFIE
Yeah. It is. And it’s also why we need to ask those questions anyway.

HALEY
Alfie…

ALFIE
I can’t do this alone. I have to fix him. And I have to stop the man who did this to him.

HALEY
That’s not– why are you here?

ALFIE
I need access to proper medical equipment. I need to use the MRI machine, the PET machine too.

HALEY
I can’t help you.

ALFIE
Please, Haley.

HALEY
How the hell am I supposed to get you into the hospital without anyone recognising you? How the fuck am I supposed to get you into use an MRI on– you say he’s just. He’s just lying there, he’s– do you want me to admit him as patient? How can I do that without— he’s functionally dead! He doesn’t legally exist!

ALFIE
If you can get us into the rooms—

HALEY
I don’t think I can, I’m a fucking haematologist, Alfie, not a– I can’t!

ALFIE
Please. Haley. It will be so much harder without your help.

HALEY
Oh. So you’re doing this with or without me.

ALFIE
I’m afraid so.

HALEY
You’re insane. I hope you know that.

ALFIE
Yeah. Sorry. Doesn’t change anything.

HALEY
Didn’t think it would. Girl can dream though.

DISTANTLY, A SMALL CLATTER

HALEY
Anyway, no I can’t–

ALFIE
Shh.

HALEY
What?

ALFIE
Just be–

ALFIE SNIFFS

ALFIE
Oh for fuck’s–
(slightly louder)
Neige. Why are you here?

HALEY
Sorry, what’s a— ah! There’s a man outside the window– hang on, I know him!

ALFIE
You do?

HALEY
Yeah, he works at Colloquium, he’s the bar tender.

ALFIE
Sorry. What.

HALEY
You mean you— he.

FOOTSTEPS

FRONT DOOR OPENS

ALFIE
You’ve been working in a bar?!

NEIGE
It’s a good way to be inconspicuous!

ALFIE
You were just hiding in a hedge.

NEIGE
Also inconspicuous.

ALFIE
No! Very conspicuous! What is– are you insane?!

NEIGE
You don’t notice things you should notice, and humans rarely pay enough attention.

ALFIE
You are such a creep.

HALEY
I’m sorry who the fuck is this man?

ALFIE
This is Neige.

NEIGE
Bonjour. The pleasure is all yours.

ALFIE
Don’t be a shit.

NEIGE
Can’t help it, it’s part of my essential charm.

ALFIE
Fucking, stop it! Why are you— did you follow me?

NEIGE
Did you follow me?!

ALFIE
No! I’m not– you were in a hedge! I was in my friend’s kitchen!

HALEY
Hmm. Are we friends? After that?

ALFIE
Haley. Come on. Please. I’m sorry. You’re right, I’ve been a dick.

NEIGE
He’s often a dick.

HALEY
Who is this guy?

NEIGE
Very complicated question. Short answer, Neige. Long answer? Well. We don’t have time.

ALFIE
Neige. What were you doing hanging out with Haley’s bins.

NEIGE
Well, I knew you had come to York, I could feel you were close by. I thought you were going to hunt, but I could tell you had brought Casper with you, which felt like insanity, so I thought I would stay close by in case something happened to you.

ALFIE
Something like what?

NEIGE
Alfie, this is a city vampires are captured and tortured from regularly, you cannot blame me for feeling concerned for you, especially when you are dragging Casper around like this.

ALFIE
That still doesn’t–

HALEY
EXCUSE ME. Alfie, did you immediately find another vampire to shag the moment something happened to the first one?

ALFIE
I– what?

NEIGE
In his defence, he didn’t know what state poor Casper was in when he jumped me the first time.

ALFIE
When I jumped you?!

NEIGE
Oui, it was hardly a sophisticated seduction, I had just tried to stop you from attempting to burn yourself alive and—

HALEY
There is so much to unpack here, honestly. But, really, I don’t— what the fuck are you both doing here, in my kitchen, at eleven o’clock on a Thursday night.

ALFIE
I’ve come to ask for your help.

NEIGE
And I’ve come to tell him it’s a stupid idea. What’s the plan, to drag his corpse in dressed in a pair of sunglasses and hope everyone mistakes him for drunk, and does not recognise that you are yourself, who has been missing for a year, when you walk into your former place of work?

ALFIE
Actually—

HALEY
That is the worst idea I’ve ever heard, don’t you dare.

NEIGE
I have an alternative proposal.

ALFIE
(annoyed)
You do?

NEIGE
Oui. I go with Haley and Casper. I will not be recognised. We take him in with a wheelchair.

ALFIE
Okay. Yeah. I can see that working. Nights are so busy in A&E nobody will notice. Haley, do you have scrubs that will fit him?

HALEY
Pr– probably, yeah. But. Can I trust him?

ALFIE
I. I don’t know.

NEIGE
I will not harm you, madame, you have my word.

HALEY
Sorry I have— I have not agreed to this absolute insanity.

ALFIE
You can test my blood.

BEAT OF QUIET.

HALEY
That doesn’t—

ALFIE
I have a kit in the car. I’ll let you take as much as you want. You can test it, do whatever you like.

HALEY
But, you said–

ALFIE
I know. I know what I said. And it is dangerous, but I think it has to happen. And if it has to happen I want it to be you.

ALFIE SIGHS

ALFIE
It’s the scientific discovery of the century. Well. For humans, anyway. So take it.

HALEY
That is— that is an insane way to phrase things but… okay.

ALFIE
Thank you, Haley. Thank you.

NEIGE
We will go and get the kit.

ALFIE
It’s fine I’ll just do it in here.

NEIGE
We will go do it. Together.

ALFIE
Oh. Sure. See you in ten, Haley?

HALEY
Yeah, okay.

FOOTSTEPS. DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.

NEIGE
You understand what you are risking, involving your friend.

ALFIE
I don’t think there’s another way. We have to change things. To change them, we need to understand them.

NEIGE
This will not be a contained incident. She is not like Bonham’s scientists. This will be the start of a chain reaction, Alfie. Once it begins there is no knowing where it will end.

ALFIE
Something has to change, Neige.

NEIGE
Yes. Yes. Perhaps you are right. This will not be a popular decision. Casper himself, he would not approve.

ALFIE
No. But what Casper based his decisions on didn’t often make sense, did it, if we’re real about it.

NEIGE
Non. I suppose you are right.

ALFIE
Thank you for helping me.

NEIGE
Don’t thank me yet, little love. Don’t thank me yet.

ALFIE
Okay.

CAR DOOR OPENS

RUMMAGING SOUNDS

NEIGE
If she didn’t agree what were you going to do?

ALFIE
I don’t know.

NEIGE
You didn’t have a back up plan?

ALFIE
Pretty sure I wouldn’t need one.

NEIGE
It doesn’t sound like she’s very sold on this, mon amie.

ALFIE
(whilst reaching)
Yeah well, that’s because you don’t know Haley.

PLASTIC CLASPS UNBUCKLE

ALFIE
You just going to stand there, or…?

NEIGE
May I? I find it… fascinating.

ALFIE
Oh. Sure. Be my guest.

PLASTIC PACKAGING RUSTLES

ALFIE
See, for a human, you’d need a tourniquet, but. Hmm. There, ah, they are set very deep when we don’t feed, you know?

NEIGE
Hmm.

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
Nothing.

ALFIE
There, you see? It flows so freely. Next one.

NEIGE
Here. May I?

ALFIE
Clip the sample tube? Um. Yeah, sure. Just, carefully, like so– ow, careful.

NEIGE
Desole.

ALFIE
There you go. You got it.

NEIGE
Oui, merci.

ALFIE
Your eyes aren’t swirling.

NEIGE
Oddly I do not think of you primarily as dinner.

ALFIE
And you just ate. I can smell it.

NEIGE
Hmm. Yes.

ALFIE
A girl. Twenty three? She was nervous.

NEIGE
I was somewhat distracted. I wonder what could have caused this.

ALFIE
That sample vial is full, let me– great. Okay. Three should be enough for her. I’ll do one more.

NEIGE
You are very laissez-faire about this.

ALFIE
What? Giving Haley my blood? She’s a professional.

NEIGE
Handing human doctors a sample of vampire blood freely and willingly. I never thought I’d see the day.

ALFIE
Surely someone must’ve done it?

NEIGE
Maybe. Though you would think I’d have heard. When medical science was less… you know, before the enlightenment, there were less noticeable differences between a dead vampire and a dead human, so they could explore our remains with just a little caution but—

ALFIE
Wait. What do you mean less noticeable?

NEIGE
Because of the veins.

ALFIE
Neige. Do you mean the– the structures in our throats? What are you– what is. I thought you hated science?

NEIGE
What? Non. I am simply apprehensive about this study of vampirism, for reasons I think are purely reasonable.

ALFIE
Hang on. You’ve never even had your blood drawn.

NEIGE
No. Why would I risk such a thing when it has been– Alfie, surely it makes sense to you why I would not approve of this? Why I would be specifically opposed to this?

ALFIE
What, because Casper studied it?

NEIGE
Yes, in part because of that, but—

ALFIE
Because of Henri?

NEIGE
Yes, but– ah. Ah. I forget.

ALFIE
What do you forget.

NEIGE
You have been so isolated. Claudio, Alfie. It is because of Claudio.

ALFIE
Claudio? The roman guy you killed, the one who made Antoinette? What does this have to do with Bonham and Henri and Casper?

NEIGE
How is it you don’t…? Mon râleur… there have always been dreams and myths about where we come from, even before Claudio. We are people, after all; it is only natural that we should dream of our beginnings as much as our ends. But Claudio, he– he believed my blood, somehow, to be special, through it’s ancientness. It was never his belief exactly that I was the source itself, but in time, through those who followed him, inspired by the actions he took… the well became poisoned. Some vampires began to think that ancient blood was somehow stronger, or better, and I, or whatever thing they believed me to be, I was not just the oldest living vampire, but the first. The source itself.

ALFIE
So. You. Tim Sherman. He– he said you were the first, too.

NEIGE
I am not the first. I know this unequivocally.

ALFIE
So. Henri, Bonham, Casper… did they all think that?

NEIGE
Henri? With some nuance, yes, this is what he believed, I think. Monsieur Bonham, I do not know. And Casper? To Casper, it was something else.

ALFIE
Tim Sherman tried to goad you by saying Cas came knowing you’d follow.

NEIGE
Oui.

ALFIE
You said you knew he’d do that. It didn’t upset you. But he wasn’t just saying that because he thought you’d come to save Cas, was he? He was implying—

NEIGE
Implying Cas was leading me to them deliberately.

ALFIE
But. He wasn’t. He wouldn’t.

NEIGE
Mon petit bijou. Do not mistake love for loyalty.

ALFIE
Why would he do that.

NEIGE
I know how it sounds, I know. Forgive me. Casper is not a monster. It all just makes me so very tired, non? So very tired.

ALFIE
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to like. Push too hard again.

NEIGE
Yes you did. You want to know. You probably ought to know. I do not think I can tell you.

ALFIE
But–

NEIGE
I don’t know what more to say, Alfie, can you not see how this– you have learned to see me so well, mon râleur, how is it that you are blind to this?

ALFIE
Sorry. I’m just. Stressed. What did Casper do that hurt you so badly?

NEIGE
Hurt me…? Non! There was a deep, unresolvable misunderstanding. We dove in too deep and when we surfaced we discovered not only were we on different shores, but different continents. There are some things to which there is no resolution, no matter how much love you have for one another, and Casper? He thought we were dead. I suppose he did hurt me. Yes, he did. He did.

ALFIE
What happened, Neige?

NEIGE
I am sorry, Alfie. I– I cannot. I cannot. It is too complex, a system of things that spin out and reach into every part of my life. I cannot. I am sorry.

ALFIE GASPS

ALFIE
That’s it. It’s more than one thing! Too many systems in too many disparate ways are being impacted, vampirism, it’s not just one thing, it’s—

NEIGE
(exhausted)
Us, Alfie. It’s us. It’s what we are. I explained this to you already. It is not separate from what we are, just as what is a cat is not separate from a cat! It is more complex and more simple than you think. And I am just. Tired. Please can we discuss another matter. Please.

LONG PAUSE

NEIGE
I think your vial is full.

ALFIE
Yeah. Yeah it is. I do wonder, though. Is it that you can’t talk about this, or that you won’t?

NEIGE
What is it that you mean?

ALFIE
I mean exactly what I said. Is this difficult to talk about, or is it something you don’t want me to know? Multiple times you’ve told me you’re keeping stuff from me on purpose. You don’t want me to know who you are. Why? What are you hiding? And now I hear you’re working in a bar?!

NEIGE
You’re being unfair.

ALFIE
Am I actually, though? Because you seem to get to call all the shots about what I know and when I get to find out about it. You know so much, and it’s impossible for me to understand it all at once, and I get that there are some things from the past you don’t want me to see, but Neige. You are keeping stuff from me on purpose. You can’t be in charge of what I do and don’t get to know. You just can’t.

NEIGE
I know, but that does not change the fact that—

ALFIE
That what, you want to control it? The more you say, the more convinced I get that what happened with you and Casper is actually extremely fucking relevant to whatever’s happening now. It’s underpinning the decisions Casper made before he went to Bonham, it might even be underpinning the decisions about what happened between him and me, in our whole relationship. This is important stuff. It matters, and it’s relevant to me, and I’m entitled to fucking know!

NEIGE
I don’t want you to be hurt.

ALFIE
Tough shit. Wasn’t it you who said to me that pain is inevitable? One of the things I admire about you, Neige, is that choice. You just keep choosing to live, all the time, even though it hurts you sometimes. Why won’t you let me make that same choice?

NEIGE
You don’t understand the complexity of the situation.

ALFIE
You’re right, I don’t, because you won’t fucking explain it. And I have no other way of finding it out. You say nothing, then fling stuff at me out of nowhere, like Henri de la Bigne, like Casper knowing Bonham, and it’s not fair! At the same time as keeping everything from me you just– you look to me like— like!

NEIGE
Like what, mon râleur.

ALFIE
Like you don’t know what to fucking do! Or, I don’t know, like you know how this is going to end already and you’re just bobbing along for the ride, following two steps behind me with a dour, knowing look, like. You tell me you’re afraid, that you’re selfish, that you don’t want me to make Casper’s mistakes, but you’re not clear what’s scaring you, or why you don’t feel you can ask for what you want instead of stealing it, or where, exactly, you think Cas went so wrong.

NEIGE
I don’t know that I can defend myself from this, Alfie.

ALFIE
What a fucking surprise.
(pause)
Do you even like me?

NEIGE
Of course I do.

ALFIE
In six months would you still want to fuck me?

NEIGE
What sort of question is that?

ALFIE
One you asked me! When you were lying about Casper! When you were hiding what you knew. When you were— I just. I’m trying, here. I’m trying really hard not to—

NEIGE
Not to what?

ALFIE
When I asked you to go, after I wouldn’t let you burn Casper, you left straight away, but the moment I ask you to come back you did, like what on earth am I supposed to make of that?

NEIGE
I do not know what you mean.

ALFIE
And now you’re here, offering to go into the hospital with Haley, who you don’t know, even though you think giving humans access to our blood is a bad idea and I’m literally sitting here taking steps to do exactly that. And you’re helping me. What should I make of that?

NEIGE
That I will do as you ask?

ALFIE
Yeah but why? Why?! I don’t– Like. You saved me because of Cas, right? You kept me around because of Cas, and then I guess it just got too hard to let me die.

NEIGE
This is horrible!

ALFIE
Yeah! Yeah it is!

NEIGE
Do you want me to go? Do you not want my help?

ALFIE
Why do you keep asking me what to fucking do?! Why do you keep looking for me to make all the fucking decisions?! You’re being— it’s like you have no idea where to go or how to be! What the fuck have you been doing with your life up to now if this is how you are? You’re acting like a helpless fucking kitten. Like, no offence but– actually you know what? Full fucking offence, actually! Yeah! How the fuck are you alive if this is how you are?!

NEIGE
Should I leave?

ALFIE
If you fucking want to! Do you?

NEIGE
I don’t know.

ALFIE
WHY.

NEIGE
I JUST DO NOT. I DO NOT KNOW. I don’t know why he’s not rotting. I don’t know why I saved your life. I don’t know why I lied. I don’t know why I stayed. I don’t know why I left. I don’t know why I came back. I don’t know why I followed you. I don’t know why I want to help. I don’t know why I’m keeping you in the dark. I don’t know.

ALFIE SIGHS

ALFIE
Oh. Oh my god.

NEIGE
What?

ALFIE
The internet.

NEIGE
What about it?

ALFIE
One thing that’s been slowing me down is that there was no internet at the house. But there was internet before we went down to Casper’s burned house. I looked up Bonham. I had internet access, it was one of the first things you did after you set up the electricity. You got me internet access. And when we got back from Cas’ place, you were immediately on the hot water, everything was– you had to turn the electricity off in case the pipes– we never turned it back on until after Cas!

NEIGE
Before you say anything, I want to–

ALFIE
What the fuck don’t you want me to see online? Is it Bonham, is it—

NEIGE
No! It is not fucking Bonham, Alfie. It’s you. You.

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
When we went out to that bar, someone took a picture with you, put it on the internet, and your family– they.

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
Your mother was on the news, Alfie. Begging you to come home.

ALFIE
How am I supposed to believe– even if. If. That’s the fucking case. Why are you making that call? Why do you get to choose that? Why?
(pause)
You don’t trust me at all. Whatever you say, you don’t trust me.

NEIGE
You were so vulnerable, I did not want to–

ALFIE
To what? You can’t even explain, oh my god. Is this what happened with you and Cas? Did you try to control what he knew and didn’t know, too?

NEIGE
You have no idea what you’re talking about.

ALFIE
Fucking exactly, dickhead.
(pause)
Oh. You know what I do know, though? You cleaned up Casper’s messes. That’s what I am, to you, isn’t it. The last mess Casper made. I think you’re waiting to see the best way to clean me up for him would be.

NEIGE
(devastated)
How can you say that, Alfie? Have I not been here for you? Are we not at least friends?

ALFIE
Ha. Friends. Is that what we are?

NEIGE
Is it not?

LONG SILENCE

ALFIE
Right. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

MOVEMENT

NEIGE
What are you doing?

CAR DOOR SLAMS. ENGINE STARTS.

ALFIE
(raised voice)
Haley, come on.

NEIGE
Do you want me to come?

ALFIE
Yeah. Just get in the car.

NEIGE
You’re angry with me.

ALFIE
Yeah, just fucking. Get in, or don’t. Help me, or don’t. Whatever. Just. Afterwards, just fucking leave me alone for a bit. And I mean actually leave me alone. You’ll know if I need help or anything, won’t you, so just fucking. Fuck off for a bit.

NEIGE
Oh.

ALFIE
Don’t just say ‘oh’!

NEIGE
What is it that you want me to say?!

ALFIE
Honestly I don’t know, and it fucking scares the shit out of me that you don’t know either.

NEIGE
Where should I go?

ALFIE
I don’t care, Neige. Are you coming to help me and Casper or not?

NEIGE
You trust this woman with your life?

ALFIE
More than. I’d trust her with Casper’s.

NEIGE
Then I will do as you say.

ALFIE
Thank you.

NEIGE
Promise me something, though?

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
Don’t sit by the river again.

ALFIE
Why?

NEIGE
They’re watching us, there.

ALFIE
Who?

NEIGE
Humans. Bonham’s, I think.

ALFIE
Alright. Fine.

NEIGE
Merci.

ALFIE
(raised voice)
Haley!

FRONT DOOR OPENS

HALEY
Jesus, you’ve properly– you know what? What am I saying? You’re literally a vampire. These are your two vampire boyfriends, and one of them is more dead than the other, and you’re taking him out for a drive. Sure. Whatever.

NEIGE LAUGHS

NEIGE
Oui, la fille est magnifique, tres bien.

HALEY
Merci, petit homme bizarre.

NEIGE
And she parle francais! Une delice.

HALEY
Alfie– those are. You just put it in random vials without any–

ALFIE
You don’t need anticoagulants and it’s shelf-stable. At room temperature.

HALEY
What.

ALFIE
Just take it.

HALEY
It’s… cold.

ALFIE
Yes. It’s vampire blood, Haley.

HALEY
If you didn’t still have the cannula in your arm I wouldn’t believe this came out of you. It’s so dark. It’s almost purple.

ALFIE
Sorry.

HALEY
No, just–

ALFIE
We should go.

HALEY
Yeah.

NEIGE
Why have you agreed to this, courageux docteur?

HALEY
Oh.

VIALS CLINKING

NEIGE
Ah, I see.

HALEY
Wouldn’t you want to know? Don’t you still want to know?

NEIGE
If you knew what my own blood had cost me, you would not be asking this.

HALEY
Alfie. Can I rely on him?

ALFIE
Rely on him right now, for this? Yeah. Trust him? Absolutely fucking not.

HALEY
Right. I see why you like him.

ALFIE
Because he’s pretty?

HALEY
Because he’s a walking red flag.

NEIGE
I’m glad you still think I’m pretty, mon râleur.

CAR DOOR SLAMS

ALFIE
Get in the car, you fucking idiots.

[END]