An Episode of Not Quite Dead.

Episode Content Warnings

Please bear in mind that this show is a work of horror fiction and frequently places characters in situations which jeopardise their psychological and physical health. This episode contains:

– sounds of a character in distress

– sexual innuendo and implications of sexual acts

– discussions of death and grieving, including maladaptive grieving

– discussion and description of violent and unsafe medical injuries

– descriptions of hospital procedures

– medical professionals acting coldly and with poor bedside manner regarding the illness and death of loved ones

– sounds of extreme emotional distress

Transcript

NEIGE
Alfie.

ALFIE GROANS

ALFIE
No.

NEIGE
Alfie, wake up.

ALFIE
Five more minutes.

NEIGE
Alfie, you have slept for nineteen hours, you have to get up, bijou, come on.

ALFIE
Ugh. I could sleep for… ten years?

NEIGE
I tried that once.

ALFIE
Mmf. What? Really?

NEIGE
Yes.

ALFIE
Was it the best?

NEIGE
I gave up three days in.

ALFIE
Weak.

NEIGE
It’s boring. I decided to try to have an orgy for ten years instead.

ALFIE SCOFFS

ALFIE
I just woke up. I’m not ready to talk about orgies.

NEIGE SCOFFS

NEIGE
Boring.

ALFIE
How are you so fucking spry. There are fucking. Rocks younger than you.

NEIGE
There are rocks younger than you.

ALFIE
It’s too early for this.

NEIGE
Alfie. Come on.

ALFIE SIGHS

ALFIE
How long was the orgy?

NEIGE
Longer than three days. Not a decade though.

ALFIE
(stretching)
You know, I’ve never been to an orgy? Not even one.

NEIGE
Well, you’ve got an eternity ahead of you, and you’ll never go to any orgies at all if you don’t get up.

ALFIE
(unhappily)
Mmmn. This bed is so much comfier than mine.

NEIGE
Yes. And infinitely comfier than the nest you made next to Casper.
(pause)
Why didn’t you take him back upstairs? You can carry him well enough.

ALFIE BREATHES DEEPLY

ALFIE
It just. Felt wrong.

NEIGE
Hmm.

ALFIE
Do you think he’s been okay, without either of us there?

NEIGE
I’m sure he’s fine.

ALFIE
Just. What if he’s in there, what if he’s scared, and I just…? I was gone all night, I didn’t tell him, he might be worried.

NEIGE
Sweet, he wouldn’t have worried if you were gone for the night.

ALFIE
Do you think he hates me?

NEIGE
No, little love. I do not think that.

ALFIE
But I– he didn’t. He didn’t want me to be a vampire.

NEIGE
Must we do this again?

ALFIE
Sorry.
(pause)
What is this place, anyway? I was not really thinking when we came in. For obvious reasons.

NEIGE
It. Uh. It’s a flat?

ALFIE
Yeah. Is it an Airbnb or something?

NEIGE
A what?

ALFIE
Like a hotel but it’s someone’s house.

NEIGE
That sounds like a disgusting idea, why would I want to sleep in the house of someone I do not know?

ALFIE
Well, they aren’t there when you do it.

NEIGE
In that case, if I wanted to sleep in their house I would simply break in.

ALFIE
I– yeah you know what. Sure.

NEIGE
I don’t need to break into this flat. It’s mine.

ALFIE
I– sorry? Do you just randomly have a flat in York?!

NEIGE
I do now, yes.

ALFIE
How?

NEIGE
I bought it.

ALFIE
With money?

NEIGE
Uh, yes? You know, the barter system was not like you think. This is a retroactive idea, I never paid for things with cabbages!

ALFIE
Not that you remember, anyway.

NEIGE
Hey! You’re still not up!

ALFIE
I’m so comfy. If you have money, why didn’t you use it to fix the old house?

NEIGE
I have a cash flow problem.

ALFIE
What? How do you mean?

NEIGE
Money, estates, all of this, it is transient in nature, changeable. There’s no guarantee an investment you make will make sense in a thousand years time; the whole civilisation that thought up that money could be dead by then, and you’ll just look like an idiot.

My friend from, oh, what do you call it now? Pérou? He was a very powerful man in an incredible city, he helped shape the place, subsidised workers, made sure the genius behind their irrigation system was recognised by the those in charge. Everything is thriving some centuries in, the place is wonderful! He left for less than an hundred years and when he comes back? Place is abandoned, covered with vines! C’est terrible!

Ha! No. I keep all of my money in heirlooms. Which. You know this too is not a guarantee, they found my vault in Egypt and now half of my fucking savings are in the fucking British museum, zut alors.

ALFIE
Heirlooms.

NEIGE
Oui! C’est tres simple, you go out and you buy the work of some, uh, some craftsman, you put it away, then, voila! Priceless.

ALFIE
The champagne, in Casper’s old house.

NEIGE
Oui, oui. I have learned from my Egypt mistake and try to spread my savings around a little more now. I had some ancient manuscripts sealed in the foundations in the house you have been staying at, but when I looked, they were gone. I imagine Casper took them.

ALFIE
Maybe. You know he was living in his car?

NEIGE
Oui. But I bet it was a nice car, non?

ALFIE
Yeah it was a pretty nice car. He nearly killed me in it, you know.

NEIGE
I know.

ALFIE
Just. Out of curiosity. How much did you get for that wine?

NEIGE
Around forty thousand a bottle. That was twelve bottles, I think it was in the end?

ALFIE
So that’s– that’s fucking four hundred and eighty grand!

NEIGE
Oui.

ALFIE
How many more of these bolt holes do you have filled with priceless heirlooms?!

NEIGE
Uh. Some?

ALFIE
Christ, why aren’t you– why aren’t you rich?!

NEIGE
Little love, I am rich, if I need to be? But I do not see the value in living ostentatiously?

ALFIE
Couldn’t you– I don’t know. Sell it all and give the proceeds to charity or something?

NEIGE
Why?

ALFIE
To… help people?

NEIGE
I do help people. And I need to live, it’s just that the way I live is over an extended period. There are some perks to this life, although it is normally difficult, so why make things more difficult than they have to be?

ALFIE
Yeah but. You could give so much money to charity?

NEIGE
Ah! Like your wealthy philanthropists? Non. They massage their own egos only. A need for charity is a sign of a failing society. It is a government’s job to care for its people, and to rely on generosity is to court dissent, and it is a sign of weakness. People are violent when they do not have enough. I am not sure you need to have lived ten thousand years to know this truth.

ALFIE
Ugh. No, I don’t think you do.

NEIGE
You’re still not up.

ALFIE
No.

NEIGE
Do you need more money?

ALFIE
I… I haven’t thought about it.

NEIGE
How did you think the car stayed full of petrol?

ALFIE
I haven’t thought about that either.

NEIGE
Hmm. It seems I have been pampering you.

ALFIE
Pampering?! The house doesn’t have heating!

NEIGE
I’m sorry. That place is a money pit, it really is. It was just the closest, best place for you. My money is in Paris. I left in a hurry, I didn’t… and you were no state to be dragged across the channel. I thought we would move on quickly but. Things. They were more complicated than I initially believed, as I explained the other day.

ALFIE
Yeah. You never said though; what was it you initially believed?

NEIGE
That I would find you and then I would find Casper and we would leave.

ALFIE
Oh.

You said you’d followed his scent all over the city.

NEIGE
Yes.

NEIGE
I started to worry when the strongest trail I found led me to you. It meant that it had been so long since he had made the others that just his blood inside of you was stronger.

ALFIE
Did you know, when you did that. Did you know he…

NEIGE
Know? I didn’t know. But it was a possibility.

ALFIE
So you knew before you saved me, then. Is that why you saved me?

NEIGE
I told you I don’t know why I saved you, except that if he tried to save you, you are worth saving.

ALFIE
Yeah but that’s not true, is it? Because to Casper, I wasn’t saved, and even if you didn’t know for sure he was dead, you knew for sure he’d believe that I was if you made me a vampire like him. Was it spite, then? Did you save me to hurt him?

NEIGE
You are ruminating on this!

ALFIE
Yeah, it’s kind of a big deal, and you. Just sort of did it. And I don’t get it. And nothing you can say is helping me get it.

NEIGE
Hmm. Well. I admit I have given it some thought. If you had stayed with Casper – which in any circumstances I believe you would have, for a time – this choice would have been upon you eventually. I think you would have always chosen the same. Am I wrong, Alfie?

ALFIE
Did I choose this?

NEIGE
Alfie–

ALFIE
Am I a monster?

NEIGE
Do you want to be?

ALFIE
I– it wasn’t just. I really did love him, you know.

NEIGE
I know—

ALFIE
It’s not just because of what he was.

NEIGE
No, I know–

ALFIE
Like it was a factor, because he was that, and I loved who he was and I– but it was special, that he was? He– I saw him for more than that and I– do you think it. Do you think he thought I…? He hated being a vampire. I didn’t mean to make him feel bad, I didn’t mean to– I didn’t know how he felt, he never told me, he just–

NEIGE
I think it probably did him good to be around someone who saw that side of him as something positive. He tried very hard not to let that happen, most of the time.

ALFIE
He– i— it wasn’t just because of what he was. Like I liked that. I did. It fucking. God. Him, needing my blood, to…?

NEIGE
I know, it’s okay, mon bijou, it’s–

ALFIE
I loved who he was. I love what he was. I loved that he– I loved that he chose to be careful, that he always was, that he could be powerful and that he was designed to kill but he didn’t, he was soft and sweet and small, with me. I loved that he bit me. I loved it. I fucking loved all of it. And it. I wanted— I wanted to bite him back. I didn’t want him to stop being a vampire, I didn’t want him to be human, I wanted to be a vampire with him, I wanted to taste him like he tasted me, I wanted to need his blood to live, I wanted– I– wanted.

NEIGE
You wanted to be like us.

ALFIE
Is that awful of me?

NEIGE
I think it is beautiful.

ALFIE
Am I a monster?

ALFIE
I feel like a fucking prick.

NEIGE MAKES A SMALL FRUSTRATED SOUND

NEIGE
We should all get to choose. Too many of us are forced into this life. Too many of us die horribly in it. We should be offered a choice, knowing the risks.

ALFIE
You don’t think I’ve– I’m throwing my life away?

NEIGE
Human life is not superior. We are all just animals, Alfie. Have I not been telling you this all along?

ALFIE
Yeah.

NEIGE
This guilt you feel, it is Casper’s burden that you have chosen to pick up. You do not need it. It does not serve either of you for you to carry it. You do not belong to him. You are your own man. And you are a vampire. And that is magnificent.

ALFIE
I could kiss you.

NEIGE
Oui, you could, if you had only gotten out of bed. But alas. You have not.

ALFIE
Do I smell bad or something? You normally love just, laying about.

NEIGE
I am a predator, we all love that, it’s what we do.

ALFIE
Why do you want me to get up?

NEIGE
You have a missed call.

ALFIE
What? From who?

NEIGE
Your doctor friend.

ALFIE
Neige– give me– have you been recording this?

NEIGE
Forgive me. I thought you would want a record of the call and did not realise you would be so difficult to convince out of the blankets—

ALFIE
You should have told me this was what it was about.

NEIGE
I was going to. I just wanted to make sure you had got up and dressed first.

ALFIE
Why?

NEIGE
You know why.

ALFIE
You think he’s dead.

NEIGE
You know what I think.

ALFIE
But what if you’re wrong? What if turns out he’s in there? What are you going to do?

NEIGE
Scream. Probably break several objects. Rend Bonham’s limbs from his body the moment I find him for inventing this new torture. But I will rend him anyway, so.

PAUSE

ALFIE
What do I do? Should I get dressed first? I don’t know what to do.

NEIGE
It is up to you. Do you want me to go?

ALFIE
I—I don’t know.

NEIGE
I will sit in the hall.

ALFIE
Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah.

NEIGE
Call me, if you need something.

ALFIE
You don’t want to stay do you?

NEIGE
I don’t.

ALFIE
Yeah. Go then.

FOOTSTEPS. DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.

ALFIE DRAWS A SHAKY BREATH

DIAL TONE RINGS OUT

HALEY
Alfie?

ALFIE
Haley?

AT THE SAME TIME:
ALFIE: Hi.
HALEY: Hey.

AWKWARD BEAT:

HALEY
Sorry it’s. Sorry.

ALFIE
No, no it’s okay. Just—

HALEY
I wanted to show you the images in person, but I suppose I’ll just send them to you.

ALFIE
What did you find out?

HALEY
Um. What part do you want me to start on?

ALFIE
What– uh. The most important parts, I guess? What do I need to know?

HALEY
All of your tissue is– it’s so much brighter on an MRI, it’s fascinating. It does make it a bit difficult to see what’s going on. I’d love to get some small tissue samples to look at under a microscope to really understand why, but– oh. It’s just incredible! It made everything a bit blurry so things took a while to compare, but my goodness, once I understood what I was seeing, oh! It’s— it’s incredible.

And when I think about what this means in conjunction with what I was seeing in your blood?! It’s amazing! Because it’s not really blood, Alfie, not like human blood. There’s blood in it, it’s a component of it, but, i’s something else, a mix of things! There is a viral component, but it seems like here, the virus, it’s like it’s terraforming, for this, well. I don’t even know what to call it, it’s like a soup of things! A parasitic multicellular life which completely overtakes the host’s original cell structures and adapts them, the potential in this! There are parts of the complicated system of cells which seem to perfectly stop cell death. There are others that reduce pain!

Each constituent part relies on all the others but they’re not quite the same thing. They’re a… symbiosis.

ALFIE GASPS

ALFIE
Oh my god. Casper was right.

HALEY
What do you mean?

ALFIE
He— he said we were dead. He said we were dead and it was puppetting our corpses.

HALEY
Alfie, you’re not fucking dead. This is way cooler than that! You have become— You look the same, you sound the same, you even think the same. You’re still Alfie. But, you’re something else.

ALFIE
A parasite.

HALEY
Yeah!

ALFIE
I wish you were less enthusiastic.

HALEY
Alfie. You’re a whole new thing! A form of life which is, ah, it’s totally undocumented! My friend I wanted to speak to? They’re an evolutionary biologist! I wanted to talk to them about how early cellular life may have formed.

ALFIE
Yeah, that does make sense.

HALEY
You’re less excited about this than I thought you’d be.

ALFIE
Yeah, sorry. Just. Processing.

HALEY
I— sorry. I don’t know if you spoke to your friend, the blonde one, but he let me scan him too, for comparison, and—

ALFIE
Do you think this maybe– maybe there’s. Maybe this could be reversed?

ALFIE
Yeah, I know, I’ve seen it on–

HALEY
(confused)
Reversed?
(seriously)
Oh, as in, could you stop being a vampire? I mean. Hmm. Human biology doesn’t really work like that, we can’t–

But, having said that, I suppose— I mean. All the parts of you that did the human stuff before are still there, they’re just either dormant or being used for other things, from what I saw on the scans, so? Theoretically. If there were some way to neutralise whatever allows this collaborative system of distinct cells’ communicating then. Maybe? You’d need significant interventions.

ALFIE
Right, but if you did all that? Theoretically?

HALEY
When I made Neige eat that sandwich, his stomach started to work like a normal stomach in some ways, but I– I don’t. Hmm. I don’t think it was doing anything for extracting nutrition. And of course, the body just isn’t making new cells, so you’d need a whole stem-cell transplant. And those lungs? They would not work, they look most like lungs with severe emphysema, if anything, and that kind of damage can’t be repaired. At that point, you’d be replacing almost every organ, potentially be reliant on TPN and regular blood transfusions…

ALFIE
So if you replaced the heart, the lungs, maybe…?

PAUSE

HALEY
Do you want to turn back?

ALFIE IS QUIET FOR A MOMENT

ALFIE
No. I don’t.

HALEY
Alfie.

ALFIE
What?

HALEY
You’re one of my best friends, even after all of this. You can tell me anything.

ALFIE
No, I… don’t want that. Is that hideous of me?

HALEY
No. Honestly, it’s better than the alternative, isn’t it?

ALFIE
What, hating myself like Casper?

HALEY
No. Hating everyone else who is like you, the way this Bonham guy seems to.

ALFIE
I never thought about it like that.

HALEY
Alfie, I–

ALFIE
What about Casper?

HALEY
I’m sorry about what’s happened to him. I think he was bad news but that doesn’t mean I wanted him to suffer. And I…

I know I should have called you sooner but I— I didn’t want to tell you what I—

ALFIE
What, Haley?

HALEY
I just want you to– I’m no good at this, Alfie. I’m sorry. Can you just. Prepare yourself for what I’m going to say?

ALFIE
Yes?

HALEY
Um. Neige was good enough to drink some blood, in the MRI, I saw the way it— and in the PET scan when he tasted the blood, it all lit up—

ALFIE
Yeah. A new vascular structure in the throat connecting the brain and the heart, I know.

HALEY
In Casper it’s just. Not there. On the MRI I can see stitching where the connections ought to be, lining up with—

ALFIE
Cuts on his throat and into his skull? Yeah.

PAUSE

HALEY
If I knew more about how you worked inside, I could tell you want that means, but I just don’t know. There’s a– a shunt in his brain, but there were none of the holes you described to me. Compare to Neige, his brain looks— well, concussed. The lining in his skull has been damaged, but it’s not unrecoverable on it’s own.

ALFIE
(clearly attempting not to cry)
Yeah. And. Why do you think…?

HALEY
Why do I think he’s not waking up?

HALEY SIGHS

HALEY
All I can do is guess. These are the first two vampires I’ve seen an MRI of, and it’s hard to know, even with Neige for comparison, what’s going on there. How much of what I see in Neige’s brain is just him? He’s a million years old, does that change you?

I don’t know– I don’t know what to expect. What I’m seeing in Casper, it’s not brain death like you’d see in a person. My guess is he’s the vampire equivalent of vegetative. There were signs there of activity, but. Not much. I– I’m sorry.

ALFIE
(in the smallest way possible)
Oh.

HALEY
I– I’m sorry.

ALFIE
(just about keeping it together)
No, it’s– it’s okay.

HALEY
Neige, he— he asked. He explained that normally when a vampire dies, your bodies kind of dessicate a little, then become very brittle, but this wasn’t happening with Casper, and he wanted to know why. I told him I didn’t know and I’d need some time, and I don’t know if you’re speaking to him or– but if you do see him. Please tell him I’m sorry but I still don’t know for sure but my theory is that it’s because you keep providing his body with resources. If you stopped. I think he’d stop too.

ALFIE
(matter of fact)
Oh.

HALEY
I’m sorry I’m no good at this. I’ve never been good at this.

ALFIE
(sighing, dismissive sounding)
Thank you. Thank you for letting me know.

HALEY
Alfie, wait. I– is there something I can do? I can come over, you can text me the address and I’ll be there.

ALFIE
N—no.

HALEY
You’re not on your own with Casper, are you? Do you want me to come?

ALFIE
No. Thank you, though.

HALEY
Okay, well, just– please. Look after yourself, okay? And call me.

ALFIE
(clearly in a hurry now, barely keeping it together)
Yeah, yeah. I will. I will!

HALEY
And tell me if you need anything, ple—

ALFIE CUTS OF THE CALL WITH A BLEEP.

THE PHONE FALLS TO THE FLOOR BESIDE THE BED.

FOR A MOMENT, IT IS QUIET, THEN ALFIE MAKES A SMALL, STRANGLED SOB

DOOR OPENS

NEIGE SITS DOWN ON THE BED

NEIGE
Oh, oh, viens a moi, mon amour, je te serrerai fort.

NEIGE PULLS ALFIE CLOSE, BEDSHEETS RUSTLING

ALFIE
(between sobs)
He’s gone, he’s gone.

NEIGE
Hush, little love, hush.

NEIGE HUMS A SOFT VERSION OF SOMETHING LIKE ‘SUO GAN’ AS ALFIE CONTINUES TO CRY.

[END]