An Episode of Not Quite Dead.

Episode Content Warnings

Please bear in mind that this show is a work of horror fiction and frequently places characters in situations which jeopardise their psychological and physical health. This episode contains:

Mentions of psychological distress

Description of unconventional medical procedures

References to sex

Mentions of blood and blood drinking

References to torture

Mentions of violence

Discussions of complex grief

Transcript

[RAIN]

ALFIE

I think something is wrong with Neige. Like. Psychologically? I. I mean of course there is. But he’s just. He’s not dealing with it, you know, and it’s. Ugh.

We went to the hospital he mentioned last night and there was nothing there. It was closed more recently than the last one, and it wasn’t a sanatorium it was a small community hospital type place. There wasn’t much to find, not even a secret vampire torture place. Neige insisted we turn the whole place upside down anyway.

The hospital had closed a bit more recently than the sanatorium. There was some modern medical equipment there. Neige found a scalpel, asked if I’d help him get the wire out of his chest.

The whole thing was. It was just.

He didn’t make a sound. He didn’t close his eyes. He sat there, holding his breath so he’d be as still as possible under my hands. He was like a perfect statue. I cut along the scar that was already there, fished out the wire, pushed the wound closed, licked it shut. His eyes were bright red when I looked up but he had no expression on his face at all. Just. Nothing. Empty.

I climbed up onto the counter next to him. Put my head on his shoulder. Just stayed like that for ages.

He asked me why I’d talked him through it. He’d asked me to do this, he was watching me do it and I still told him everything I was doing as I went.

I told him that sometimes it helps people to feel calmer if they know what’s going on.

He asked if he had seemed afraid, to me.

I didn’t know what to say to that because. He’s seemed fucking terrified to me since that first night in the hotel after we got off the boat. Like it’s all right there under the surface and he just won’t— he just won’t. The whole thing with the fucking bones, I…

He’s scaring me. Not that I think that he’ll hurt me or anything, I trust him not to hurt me. I can’t explain it, it’s just. I. I trust him with my life. But I wouldn’t trust him with anyone else’s. Frankly, I’m not sure I even trust him with his own. Especially not at the moment.

He said we’d go hunting tonight but I woke up to a note saying he’d gone by himself and. Like. I will not say no to drinking his blood. I— I prefer it. I don’t know. I know the whole thing is kind of. Like obviously his blood isn’t…

I tried to talk to him about this, and he was surprisingly chill with me picking his brain about it. Let me ’20-Q’ him about all the things he finds easier. How he can function without his organs where I’m useless if I go a week without a hunt. How he’s so fast. Because he’s like, scary fast when he wants to be. And I’m disproportionally strong, now, but not like him. He. Yeah. He pins me down, and I am going fucking nowhere.

But all that aside it’s like. What is this? Why doesn’t he— w-why is he making it so that his blood is basically my only option? I keep thinking about what he said about Claudio, about how after he started his cult he only drank the blood of other vampires, and I keep thinking about all the vampires Neige has killed. and I keep thinking about his blood and what happened and everything else and it is killing me, killing me, that the one part of all of this he cannot seem to get out is what exactly happened after he got out of Claudio’s chains.

He was rescued by one Claudio’s followers, and a bunch of them, like a splinter group, off they went and Neige recovered slowly and then in the story, it’s like, bam, he’s killing Claudio and systematically dismantling the pretty complex system of management he’d built over centuries.

Something keeps playing over and over in my head. Something Casper said what feels like a million years ago now.

Ros and Eponine asked him to come to York because they needed his help because he’s the guy you call when there are half-mades. Things were getting complicated and I can’t remember what prompted it now but he was talking to them and when I asked if they were the secret vampire council, Casper said there wasn’t one, and he was pretty firm about that. And I’m thinking, now. I’m thinking it’s because there used to be a vampire council, there were multiples of them, run by these Captains that Claudio had hand raised and groomed for power, and Claudio was in charge of them. The vampire emperor. And it makes sense, ideologically, for him to do that because he was big into the Roman Empire thought the fact it had fallen was some epic tragedy, as if I didn’t have enough reasons to think this man epically sucked, he sounds like some lame as fuck incel YouTuber, too.

But like. Inna, they said Berlin was different. They had associates. I— well. My head was literally off at this point so the memories I have here are pretty vague to say the fucking least but it sounded like they were some kind of council but in the way of like, you know, the town council? It all sounded very dull and procedural, whatever they were talking about, so. Yeah.

Neige had mentioned that it was some kind of coalition that he wasn’t a fan of, but he still installed Inna there on purpose. And the fact that he was able to do that, I…?!

He also vaguely mentioned the existence of some kind of structure that existed before Claudio and I, ugh.

Neige left me in Berlin because he thought it was safe. He trusted me with Inna, and to be fair it does sound like they’re the reason I’m alive? Usually these decapitations are fatal, apparently. But it does bear the question; why are they decapitating vampires at all and why is Neige leaving me in a place where they do that? It sounds, I don’t know. Pretty close to whatever Claudio was doing.

Sounds like he deliberately forced Inna to go to Berlin because they were climbing up the human political ladder too hard, or whatever. Pretty close to Neige being the Vampire Emperor King who expects deference from others.

It would be so helpful, just so fucking helpful if Neige would talk about all this shit because I don’t have time to be worrying about this in the context of all of everything that’s going on. But I can’t not.

And I kiss him and it’s like. It’s him. It’s Neige. He likes Madonna and chemises and lacy babydolls and the feeling of blood running down his chin. He likes to sleep with some part of him pressed against me, his nose, his leg, his hand. He has strong opinions about corduroy and poetry and he likes it when you pull his hair. I could map every inch of his body from memory.

But who is he? I know him better than I know anyone but I don’t fucking know him at all.

And he keeps bloody wandering off! Hunting without me, like this. I know he’s. Ugh. Like I don’t care that he’s—

People taste better when they’re coming, I get it. And it’s not like we’re not fucking or anything but. He’s not really talking about it and I just feel so.

Ugh.

He’s so fucking terrified, clearly, but I don’t know why. Like obviously Bonham but why is this scaring Neige as much as it is? And yeah, he got kidnapped and tortured and we’re on the run but. Couldn’t we stop? Just for a bit?

I mean. Not to be flippant. But it’s not like we’re going to die of old age, here. We could stand to wait a few weeks, to fucking slow down and. And just. Be. For a bit. Whilst he works through whatever this is, because whatever it is it’s fucking him up and it’s scaring me, because I don’t know how safe he’s being. I don’t know what to expect from him. Every time he’s gone, I.

I’m messed up too, right now. Obviously. Ugh, but I am.

I think I need us to stop for me, too.

We could just go away somewhere, couldn’t we? Somewhere along the mediterranean where the sea is still kind of warm at night. We can go swimming in the dark.

The only moment of pause we had was our last night in Paris, before we left. We stayed up all night, watched the sunrise over the rooftops. We were staying in this little attic apartment. The whole thing was painted in these pale colours. It clearly hadn’t been touched for years, but, there was running water and a comfy bed and fresh sheets in the cupboard.

The whole stay, we’d been so busy. He’d been off, trying to arrange things which never seemed to go anywhere, getting back and pretending he didn’t notice that I’d cut off a toe whilst he was gone.

But that last night, it was gorgeous. We hunted together at sunset, like we hunted together in Leeds. He’d told me the week before he thought I should go to Berlin alone, but by the last night he’d conceded that he’d come with me. the plan was originally to stay out hunting the whole night but, we did well for ourselves pretty quick and I just. I needed him something fierce and these days it only takes the barest suggestion for him to agree.

He was vicious that night, like he had been when he’d tried to convince me to go to Berlin alone. Like he needed me to eat him for it to feel alright for us to be apart. We went back to the apartment and took each other apart and it was glorious and he was beautiful and he was soft in ways he has not been for so long, and his hair and grown out so much and it was so soft and golden and perfect and I could have eaten him, all of him, I swear.

And he told me he was a loaded gun in my hand and I.

I need a week of that, I think. A week of it. Of quiet and softness and just. Us. Shutting out everything else as much as we can afford to without starving to death and just otherwise being us. Where it doesn’t matter who he is except for all the ways I already know the answer to that question, and where it doesn’t matter that I’m me, either. We can just be us, together, and whatever else we are or we were or we will be can fuck off.

But at the same time I keeping thinking, you know, could I do it?

Could I be that still and present?

[ALFIE SIGHS]

[HE RUMMAGES AROUND]

I might as well look at Henri’s—oh. There is more stuff in here than there should be. Casper’s book, and the passports and. This is not one of my phones.

[BEEPING]

Oh, YES, it has a SIM card in it. I— is it valid, can I make a call?

[BEEPING]

Crap. What’s Haley’s extension number at the hospital?

OH. Yeah!

[MORE BEEPING]

[DIAL TONE]

HALEY
Hello, haematology. If you’re calling about—

ALFIE
Haley, it’s me!

HALEY
Alfie?!

ALFIE
Are you okay?!

HALEY
Am I— I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. AGAIN.

ALFIE
I know, I know, I’m sorry! Neige got kidnapped—

HALEY
He was what?!?!

ALFIE
I know, I know! But I don’t know if I have time for this, I—

HALEY
Where are you?!

ALFIE
Germany? Or Poland. I’ve lost track.

HALEY
What sort of an answer is that?!

ALFIE
I know! I’m sorry! Please just— are you okay?

HALEY
Yeah, yeah, I’m fine!

ALFIE
The vampires know you have vampire blood.

HALEY
Well yeah, of course you—

ALFIE
No, not us! There are others, a fuck ton of others, and they’re not all in agreement about what we’re supposed to be doing and— it doesn’t matter! You might be in danger.

HALEY
Right. Of course. OF COURSE.

ALFIE
I’m sorry.

HALEY
I should have known not to take those vials from you. I shouldn’t have tested them at work, I—

ALFIE
It’s done now, we can’t go back and choose different. And it made things easier for me. It wasn’t a bad thing, I promise.

HALEY
So, what? Some ‘commissioner of vampire medicine’—

ALFIE
No, it’s— they’re kind of anti-science, actually. There’s a history of. Medical experimentation. Casper was super weird about this stuff too and it’s all really fucking complicated but the main thing you need to know, is that they know who you are and what you’ve done and they might be coming for you so you need to run.

HALEY
Run? Run where?

ALFIE
I— I don’t know! I don’t know. I’m sorry. I think Paris is safe.

HALEY
Alfie, this is insane, I can’t just run off to Paris! I have a job, I have a life!

ALFIE
You won’t even be alive at all if you don’t run!

HALEY
Everything has been normal, here! Except there’s been more patients with torn out necks, and a bunch of people coming into the hospital to be investigated for bleeding disorders.

ALFIE
Yeah, the vampires in the city are shit scared. Everyone is.

HALEY
Because of the people who turned your ex into an un-rotting husk.

ALFIE
Sort of.

HALEY
What else is going on?

ALFIE
Well, I just! We can’t keep living like this! Sure we might be able to take out Bonham but if we don’t do something about the way vampires have to live right now we are all going to be killed. We get rid if Bonham, and there will just be another fucking Bonham eventually, because it’s been happening for literal centuries.

HALEY
Oh good god, you’re Vampire Lenin.

ALFIE
No! No, I just. Something needs to chance because we can’t keep living like this, and waiting for the threat of the next vampire to lose his mind and start tearing us to pieces… Do you understand me?!

HALEY
Alfie. How serious is this?

ALFIE
I’ve never been more serious in my life.

HALEY

Okay. Fine. Fine! I’ll consider running away and—

ALFIE
Don’t just consider it!

HALEY
I’ll think about it! But only if you answer my questions.

ALFIE

For fuck’s sake. Alright! Ask your questions!

HALEY

Maybe it’s just because Twilight was on the TV last week. But. Can you read minds?

ALFIE

Uh. Not really?

HAYLEY

Oh, Jesus, I was asking an easy one to start. The answer should be no.

ALFIE

Well it sort of is! I can feel the emotions of people if I drink enough of their blood, and I can work out where they are. But it wears off. It gets stronger if I share my blood with them, too.

HALEY

You are such a freak.

ALFIE

I mean. You knew that.

HALEY

Yeah, but like. You as a vampire? God help your poor boyfriend. Everyone you slept with already walked out of your flat looking like they’d gone a few rounds with a hoover. Now you’ve got special biting teeth. It’s a wonder Neige has any blood left in him.

ALFIE

Ha. Questions, Haley.

HALEY

Right, okay, so you can’t read minds, but you can do whatever the fuck all that was. How’s your hearing?

ALFIE

Limited to a range of about a mile? I can make it focus, like you get vision to focus.

HALEY

Right, cool. Smell?

ALFIE

I shower as often as I can.

HALEY

Fuck off.

ALFIE

It’s actually kind of difficult to describe how good my sense of smell is now.

HALEY

Well, la dih dah.

ALFIE

Don’t be a twat.

HALEY

Can’t help it, unfortunately. Does your boyfriend smell different after he… eats someone?

ALFIE

I– uh. Uh. Haley.

HALEY

Yes?

ALFIE

Yeah. He does. But it wears off after a few hours.

HALEY

Ha, I am so fucking smart.

ALFIE

Right that’s it, that’s enough.

HALEY
One more!

ALFIE
Ugh. Fine.

HALEY

Your boyfriend’s not there, is he?

ALFIE|

What does that matter?

HALEY

If he was he’d have interrupted a billion times already.

ALFIE

Probably.

HALEY

So he’s not there.

ALFIE

No, he’s… busy.

HALEY

Intriguing. You don’t sound very confident about that.

ALFIE

I trust him, but. His perspective is fucked, sometimes, he forgets…

HALEY

What does he forget?

ALFIE

I don’t know.

HALEY

I know I said only one more. But. Out of interest, just how much longer than you has he been around?

ALFIE

Uh. Oh. Um.

HALEY

Well, that’s concerning.

ALFIE

It doesn’t matter.

HALEY

Alfie, come on. What is he, like two hundred years old? Three?

ALFIE
No.

HALEY
Three?
Younger?

ALFIE
No.

HALEY

Well, there you go then. To me it’s almost weirder if they’re an age humans can live to. I mean, not you, I’ll. I’ll shut up now.

ALFIE

Ha. Yeah.

HALEY

Alfie. How… frightened should I be?

ALFIE

Very.

HALEY

Okay.

ALFIE

It’s gonna be alright.

HALEY

Please watch your back.

ALFIE

I’ll be sure to stand in front of mirrors at all times.

HALEY

So you have a reflection?

ALFIE

Yes, Haley, and I promise I will answer all your storybook questions another time. Will you please go to Paris?

HALEY
Alright! Jesus Christ. There is something wrong with you.

ALFIE
I know, I’m sorry.

HALEY
Fucking hell. Right. I’ve got to go and work out how to disappear without losing my fucking job. You absolute nightmare.

ALFIE
Wait! Before you go, I—

HALEY
What?

ALFIE
My mum. Grace, Tammy. Are they okay?

HALEY
Do they need to run, too? Because that’s going to take longer to plan.

ALFIE
No. I think the longer I. If I stay away I can. It’s clear I’ve not been around them. They shouldn’t been in as much danger as you are. I gave you my blood.

HALEY
Okay.

ALFIE
But, Haley. Are they alright?

HALEY
To be honest I don’t know if you deserve an answer to that.

ALFIE
Haley, please.

HALEY
Okay.

Yes, they’re okay. Things are hard but. I think. I think, they’re reaching a point where they’ve given up. They’re starting to… move on. Grace is going back to uni. Tammy’s doing well in high school. Oh, they came out as non-binary, by the way.

ALFIE
Oh shit. For real?

HALEY
Yeah.

ALFIE
That’s. Oh my god. Wow.

HALEY
They cut their hair short. They look— well. They look like you.

ALFIE
Fuck. And mum?

HALEY
I… I don’t know if she’s going to be the same again. I mean, none of them are but. You know.

ALFIE
Yeah. Yeah.

HALEY
Why didn’t you call before?

ALFIE
I. Uhh, I. Things have been. A lot.

HALEY
I bet.

ALFIE
I’m sorry, Haley.

HALEY

Oh shut up. I love you.

ALFIE


Love you too.

[ALFIE HANGS UP, THROWS THE PHONE, AND STARTS TO SOB VIOLENTLY]

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

NEIGE
Mon râleur.

ALFIE
I— I’m s-sorry.

NEIGE
Non, little love. Non.

ALFIE
How much did you—

NEIGE
Doesn’t matter. Hush. Let me hold you.

ALFIE
You said we’d go out together.

NEIGE
I know. I’m sorry.

ALFIE
You keep doing this, you go off and—

NEIGE
I know! I know.

ALFIE
What’s going on, Neige?

NEIGE
I think… I’m going to die.

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
I. Not now, not soon, but. It will happen.

ALFIE
Yeah, I mean. Everything does, doesn’t it?

NEIGE
I have thought about it intellectually but, I think I…

ALFIE
What?

NEIGE
There will be an after. At some point I’m going to end and there will be an after.

ALFIE
Kitten. It’s alright.

NEIGE
I’ve been trying to keep things together, to make them work as best I can for so long, patching leaks in this vast leather sack but the holes keep springing.

ALFIE
You couldn’t possibly—

NEIGE
It is my responsibility to do it! Before Claudio there were ancient groups. Most vampires died and any kind of long term organisation was folly but there were vampires in all corners of the world who had homes that fledglings could find. People who would teach them who they were, even if they had been abandoned by their makers.

It had taken hundreds, thousands of years for these safe places to emerge, but they were there.

ALFIE
The old guard?

NEIGE
That is just a turn of phrase, my love, there is no collective word for them they were just. Communities. I didn’t agree with all of them but they were there.

ALFIE
And Claudio destroyed them.

NEIGE
Worse than that, he supplanted them! Killed their patrons and replaced them his Captains and turned them all into little legions in support of his cause, and it happened so fast! Two hundred years at most and they were all gone!

ALFIE
That’s not that fast.

NEIGE
In comparison to how long it took for them to spring up it was! Claudio crushed them all under his heel, almost like they were waiting for him to do it.

ALFIE
I— I just. I’m not sure the fact it happened is reason to write off any kind of organising at all.

NEIGE
Any institution of power is open to be corrupted.

ALFIE
But. If they’d been communicating better, if they’d—

NEIGE
Claudio would have found a way to undo them regardless!

ALFIE
Not if they’d been ready for him, not if there was a system already in place which–

NEIGE
It cannot happen! It is not possible! As long as we are secret, this is how it ends. Always.

ALFIE
So we can’t be secret anymore!

NEIGE
No. No we can’t.

ALFIE
Is that what all of this is about, then? You’re trying to make up for what you didn’t do with Claudio?

NEIGE
No I— I am trying to do it right. This time.

ALFIE
What do you mean?

NEIGE
I should have paid more attention to Claudio’s posturing than I did. It all felt so thin and vapid. As soon as I could be certain he could fend for himself I. I busied myself with other things. Other people. But I should have been there. I should have stopped him, or—

ALFIE
Or what, Neige?

NEIGE
Made him better.

ALFIE
Neige, I don’t think you’re responsible for Claudio being the biggest bastard that ever lived.

NEIGE
Of course I am responsible! I was with him so long. I was the one who turned him!

ALFIE
Out of compassion!

NEIGE
The reason why is irrelevant! What matters is I did it. Every life he took, I might as well have taken myself.

ALFIE
But that’s— that’s crazy! What are—?! No! You’re just a guy! You’re just one guy!

NEIGE
So was he.

ALFIE
You’re f— being fucking impossible, you know that?

NEIGE
I cannot help it if my logic is watertight.

ALFIE
But it fucking isn’t! And you’re not being transparent with me about your motivations and you’re pushing us to go through with this whole revolution thing at breakneck speed but! What if nobody is fucking ready? Huh?! What about that?! Nobody will meet with you, we’re off on some wild goose chase across Europe, looking for god knows what and nothing is happening but it’s not happening with so much stress and gusto it feels like we’re at fucking war. And we haven’t got any closer to stopping Bonham or getting people out of the places they’re being tortured, and my family THINKS I AM DEAD.

NEIGE
I’m sorry, I’m sorry!

ALFIE
Yeah well! I— it’s insane! You’re insane! This whole thing is fucked and it’s— you need to think about stuff, about what you’re doing and what we’re supposed to do next, because yeah! You’re going to die and so am I and if all we’re doing is trying to brute force things into a better shape which only holds so long as we’re lighting ourselves on fire to keep it that way, we are not actually making a fucking difference, are we?!

NEIGE
We are not on fire.

ALFIE
Oh my god, OH MY GOD. You told me you didn’t want to be a fucking god! STOP TRYING TO BE ONE, THEN.

NEIGE
I’m not!

ALFIE
Yes, yes you are! Why is it you’re— you’re just! ARGH. You were HOLLOWED OUT,  I tied your fucking ribs together. I HAVE HAD MY HANDS INSIDE YOUR FUCKING CHEST.

NEIGE
I should never have let—

ALFIE
No! Shut up! Just fucking shut UP! I’ve already had my HEAD TORN OFF. If we don’t think this through properly we are both going to end up fucking dead. Do you not understand that?!

NEIGE
I.

You’re right.

You’re right.

ALFIE
I KNOW I AM.

NEIGE
Please stop yelling.

ALFIE
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

NEIGE
It’s okay to be angry.

ALFIE
I know. I fucking— sorry. Sorry.

NEIGE
It is alright.

ALFIE
I’m so scared, Neige.

NEIGE
So am I.

[THEY BREATHE TOGETHER FOR A MOMENT]

ALFIE
Did you ever do that? Make a community for people to gather around?

NEIGE
Non. I have nothing to teach.

ALFIE
Oh, kitten.

NEIGE
I mean it! I am alive by accident, and it has never been clearer to me than it is now. I would be dead already if you had not saved me. Do you have any idea…?

ALFIE
No. I don’t.

NEIGE
I am not ungrateful for what you did, I am indebted to you in ways I…

ALFIE
No you’re not. You’ve saved my life more times than I can count.

NEIGE
I was just being decent.

ALFIE
So was I, you don’t owe me shit!

NEIGE
But I do! You were forced to do something when you are still so new and fragile and I—

ALFIE
Stop it, I don’t care! It’s my fault you ended up in that fucking trap, anyway. I let them fucking take you! I should have fought them! I should have—

NEIGE
NO! No. You did the right thing, letting them take me. There was no other way. They’d have got us both.

ALFIE
I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.

NEIGE
You do not need to be.

ALFIE
You need to let me hunt on my own.

NEIGE
I do. But I.  Old blood. It has no magical properties. But we do heal faster. We withstand longer. You understand?

ALFIE
No?

NEIGE
Ach, only way I can think to explain is that. The blood. It gets better at what it does. At being a part of us. The older we get, the more adept at things it becomes.

ALFIE
What do you mean?

ALFIE
Unlike when most things age, when a vampire ages, we get stronger. Claudio’s theory…

ALFIE
He thought that might transfer to people if they drink old blood, too.

NEIGE
It is why he drank only vampire blood as soon as he could make this arrangement. He believed it made him stronger.

ALFIE
You’re trying to do that to me.

NEIGE
Yes.

ALFIE
I mean you could have fucking asked.

NEIGE
I’m sorry. I don’t know if it works.

ALFIE
It does feel different, when I drink your blood.

NEIGE
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never drunk the blood of a vampire older than me. I have no way to compare.

ALFIE
Oh. Fucking hell.

NEIGE
It is not just this. It helps me feel… When you bite me, it settles something in me. I’ve been so afraid, I’m sorry.

ALFIE
No. It’s okay. But I can’t believe you were giving me shit for running experiments on myself and then you’re running one on me.

NEIGE
No, I—

ALFIE
It’s alright! I— I don’t think I’m stronger when I drink your blood, though. I just like it. It goes down easier?

NEIGE
Okie.  

ALFIE
I’m sorry.

NEIGE
Don’t be.

ALFIE
Huh. Actually. This is interesting, isn’t it? Once we’re vampires, drinking each other’s blood, we can find each other for a bit but it wears off faster, not like what I had with Casper.

NEIGE
Yes.

ALFIE
Because we’re using blood differently to how humans use their blood.

NEIGE
Of course.

ALFIE
But in a human, it… it’s like, our blood gets incorporated into them, differently. Like it’s a microcosm of what happens when a new vampire is made. That’s what Inna was talking about, when she said she could smell you and Casper on me, because you’d both made me. Like in the process of turning me both of your blood has become a part of me in a more significant way.

NEIGE
Perhaps? I am afraid you have lost me, somewhat.

ALFIE
Oh, sorry. It’s just. What we are, how we work, it matters, because until we understand ourselves, people like Claudio and Henri and Bonham they’re just going to keep turning those ideas into something they’re not. If we let ourselves be mythical that’s all we are. And if we’re mythical, we can’t be people. Not really.

NEIGE
I think I understand.

ALFIE
I think that was what was wrong with Casper’s approach, you know. That he didn’t think of himself as a person who was alive, who had a functioning body which could be understood. He thought of himself as less. So he treated himself as less.

NEIGE
Perhaps.

ALFIE
I’m sorry. I just—

NEIGE
No. It is interesting to hear you speak of this. Of him.

ALFIE
I mean, this was a part of who he was that he never really let me see. To me he was just. Casper.

NEIGE
I know.

ALFIE
I really loved him, you know.

NEIGE
I know you did.

ALFIE
You loved him too. The passports…

NEIGE
I just wanted to make sure the option would be there for him. If he ever needed it.

ALFIE
You are so fucking kind.

NEIGE
Am I?

ALFIE
You are. Whatever else, you are definitely kind.

NEIGE
Okay.

ALFIE
I love you. Do you know that?

NEIGE
Yes. And I love you.

ALFIE
I know.

END