Click for Content Warnings
- Grief and references to past trauma
- Stereo audio (audio which sounds different in each headphone)
- Distorted vocal effects (echoing, heavy reverberation)
- Static
- Loud Crashes/shattering glass/crockery
- Panic/distress
- Sounds of emotional distress (crying, gasping breaths)
- Magical gaslighting
Transcript
Stray but a little and you might stumble across a new path you never knew was there. Welcome back to Spirit Box Radio.
[INTRO MUSIC]
Hello faithful listeners! Another week, another show! Spirit Box Radio, where nothing goes wrong and everything is fine and I’m not– I’m not crying. Um. I think there might be something wrong with the… um. With this place I’ve made. But it’s alright, not to worry, I’m going to fix it! I can fix anything. It’s all going to be fine. You see, all the little bubbles of happiness are made out of what everyone wanted, and then I just twist it all up and make sure it happens, you see?
Everything is all nice and separate and everyone is happy and doesn’t need to worry. And I’m going to make sure it stays that way, so don’t stress, but it does seem like there’s… I don’t know. Between the havens is the Arcane, and it’s. Well. It’s arcane, it’s unknown so it’s like, it’s difficult to say what the issue is exactly but. Well. I think the easiest way to explain it is to show you.
Um.
[A DOOR CREAKS OPEN]
[WIND WHISTLES]
[A VOICE WHISPERS ‘SAMAEL’ OVER AND OVER]
[THE DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS]
SAM: Yeah. You see? That’s… It’s less than ideal.
What I’m thinking is that it has something to do with the Man in the Flat Cap. When I made this place, I made him silent, first, but he’s an arcane being too, so I don’t know how long that silence is going to hold, exactly. And he presumably still wants me to end things. Like. Everything. Including this place. Even though he said it was my party and I could do whatever I liked, I think he expected a more definitive actual ending than this.
I’m pretty sure anyway.
Thing is though, all I need to do is to work out how to sure up all the havens to make sure not even a tiny little bit of that beyond space, whatever it is, can get into them. It is a pretty tricky operation though because they’re sort of made of the arcane, so whatever the beyond space is, it’s already sort of part of this place. But not at the same time. It’s hard to explain. Which is exactly the issue. What I need to do is understand what the beyond actually is so I can make sure I can separate it out from the bits of arcane I need to hold everything together.
That makes sense, right? Right.
So that’s the plan. Gods know, my plans have always worked out before. Right.
[SPIRIT BOX SKIPPING, WHICH GETS QUIETER, AND FADES INTO STATIC WHICH CRACKLES QUIETLY AND NEVER FULLY FADES. ALL THE CHARACTERS SOUND THIN, LIKE THEIR VOICES ARE COMING OUT OF A RADIO]
[THUNDER]
KITTY: Hmm.
[RADIO STATIC]
REVEL: Mrreep.
KITTY: Oh. Hello cat.
[REVEL PURRS]
KITTY: You’re getting familiar, aren’t you? I don’t have any food, sorry. I could give you some egg? At least we know that came from the chickens. Would you like a bit of egg?
REVEL: Meep!
KITTY: Cool, okay, uh.
[FRIDGE OPENS, RUMMAGING SOUNDS]
REVEL: MRAH!
[DOOR SLAMS]
KITTY: Hey! Rude! Do you not want delicious egg?
REVEL: Mnnn.
KITTY: Um. Oi, come back!
REVEL: (distantly) Mree!
KITTY: Hang on!
[RUNNING]
REVEL: Mrrn.
KITTY: Where are we going?
REVEL: Meep.
[KITTY WALKS FORWARDS]
KITTY: Wait, no. We don’t go down this road. Cat, this is not the road we go down.
REVEL: Mreep?
KITTY: Sorry, I just.
[KITTY STOPS WALKING]
KITTY: It feels wrong, walking this way, doesn’t it feel wrong to you?
REVEL: Mrah!
[FIZZ OF STATIC]
KITTY: Oh– oh my gods, it’s disappeared. What the hell?
[FOOTSTEPS]
[FIZZ OF STATIC]
REVEL: Meep!
KITTY: You can go… through? Through what though?
REVEL: Meep.
[STATIC]
[A FEW HESITANT FOOTSTEPS]
[STATIC]
KITTY: Huh.
[CRUNCH OF GRAVEL]
KITTY: I can’t see the house. Where’s the house gone?
[STATIC]
KITTY: It’s still there but– it’s gone. Um. What on earth?
[STATIC]
REVEL: Meep.
KITTY: Okay, okay.
[FOOTSTEPS]
KITTY: It’s like a whole town. But. I don’t know. It’s different here. The vibes are different. Oh, what is that smell? Is it coffee? A coffee shop!
[A BELL TINKLES]
BETH: Hello!
KITTY: Hey.
BETH: What can I get you?
KITTY: Um. Coffee?
BETH: This is a coffee shop, apparently, so I can definitely do that.
KITTY: Apparently?
BETH: What?
KITTY: You said it’s ‘apparently’ a coffee shop.
BETH: Yeah, well. Sometimes it’s a bakery. Sometimes it’s a tattoo parlour. Hell, one time I came in and it was an architectural studio, so who knows?
KITTY: Um. Okay.
BETH: Uh. Sorry, most people are just. They come in and they give their orders or, you know, tell me what they want the house to look like, and they ignore all the stuff I say that isn’t directly about that, so I’ve got used to just kind of saying it out loud, you know?
KITTY: They ignore the fact this is sometimes not a coffee shop?
BETH: Yeah.
KITTY: Okay.
BETH: Is it though? Is it really?
REVEL: Mrr.
BETH: Oh my gods, it’s that cat again!
KITTY: You know this cat?
BETH: Yeah– wait! You see him? I swear sometimes it’s like nobody else can see him.
KITTY: He brought me here. Is he yours?
BETH: No. He just drops in from time to time.
KITTY: He drops in on me, too.
BETH: He does?
KITTY: Yeah. Always messes with–
BETH: With the radio!
KITTY: Yeah!
BETH: Oh my gods, oh– wait. Are you– you’re not. I know you.
KITTY: I know you too!
BETH: …Beth?
KITTY: Regular Caller Beth!
BETH: Yeah! I think that’s me, and you’re…
KITTY: Kitty?
BETH: Kitty the Investigator!
KITTY: I am! Yeah!
BETH: You seem— you’re like—
KITTY: I’m real! I’m real, and you’re real and—
BETH: Those things at the other tables are not real!
REVEL: Mrah.
BETH: I think the cat’s real too.
KITTY: Yeah. Is there anyone else here who’s real?
BETH: I don’t think so. But. Hang on. Here? Where did you come from?
KITTY: So I was at this little farmstead with my partner, but the cat came and led me over the river, it was much easier to get across than it looked, actually, but when I got to the other side there was all this ringing in my ears and I think I might have blacked out. The next thing I knew the cat was sitting on the doorstep of your shop, so I came in.
BETH: Weird.
KITTY: Extremely.
BETH: Your partner’s real too?
KITTY: Yeah, definitely. Is nobody else here real?
BETH: I don’t think so.
KITTY: Wild. I, uh. I wonder.
[FOOTSTEPS
BETH: What are you–
[CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE; A BODY HITS THE FLOOR WITH A SOFT THUD]
KITTY: No. Nothing. Not even a blink. Wow, they’re very unreceptive.
[FOOTSTEPS]
BETH: Now what are you doing?
KITTY: I’m trying to see if you get that guy here, too.
BETH: The host, you mean?
KITTY: You do get him?
BETH: Yeah. He’s on all the time, see. I think I’ve heard you on there too.
KITTY: Me? On the radio?
BETH: Yeah. You were trapped in a house or something.
KITTY: What?
BETH: I don’t know.
KITTY: Wait. Now I’m thinking about it… I’ve heard you on the radio too.
BETH: Really?
KITTY: Yes. You said you were dead.
BETH: What!?
KITTY: Yeah.
BETH: But. I’m not dead.
KITTY: How do you know that?
BETH: I. I have wondered, you know–
KITTY: If all of us are dead? Me too.
BETH: So then–
KITTY: Purgatory. Limbo. It has to be what this place is.
BETH: Hmm. Don’t you think it’s a bit cosy for limbo?
KITTY: Maybe cosy is the point. Maybe we’re supposed to get comfortable.
BETH: What do you mean?
KITTY: I don’t actually know, I’m just spitballing. I need to tell Indi about this, oh they are gonna be so mad that I was right. Um. Cat? Can you get us out of here?
REVEL: Mrrr.
[CRACKLING]
[STATIC RISES]
[SKIPPING RADIO CHANNELS]
[EVERYTHING SOUNDS CLEAR AND NOT LIKE IT’S COMING FROM A RADIO]
EGGROLL: Mewoo.
SAM: (groggily) Eggroll? What is it?
EGGROLL: Wauuu.
SAM: Revel’s doing what?! I specifically told him to leave my sisters alone!
EGGROLL: Wah!
SAM: Ugh. That’s it, REVEL.
[STATIC]
[REVEL HISSES]
SAM: Don’t take that tone with me, young man! What in hells do you think you’re doing!?
REVEL: Mrrrrr.
SAM: No! I don’t think you do understand! I made everyone their own perfect haven, I specifically tailored it to each of them, and Beth and Kitty are not meant to be in each other’s bubbles, okay? They’d both be happier if they never had to deal with me or the arcane, alright? And the more of them that are together, the harder it is to keep the whole thing running, because I can’t control everything they all do all the time.
REVEL: Mrrrrr.
SAM: I know it’s just vibes but this is supposed to be good vibes only. You are severely undercutting that.
REVEL: Mrah!
SAM: I AM HAPPY.
REVEL: Mrrrrn!
SAM: Oh don’t get smart with me, happy people do yell, especially when people are trying to mess up the whole reason for their happiness. Something is going wrong here, can’t you feel it? And I bet it’s got something to do with you meddling with things! There’s like. I don’t know! It’s fraying in places. So just let me get on with it and stop making more problems for me to fix, alright?
REVEL: Mrrp.
SAM: Well. I suppose if you took her back afterwards it’s not so bad. But you need to stop doing this, alright? Ugh.
My vibes are all off now.
I can’t even remember what I was doing.
Oh this garden is all wrong, ugh. Okay. I think I want– hmm. Maybe what I want is a tree, here. Yeah. Um. An orange tree.
[MAGIC HUMS; TREE LEAVES RUSTLE]
SAM: Hmm. It’s not as fragrant as I thought it would be. Let’s see.
[MAGIC HUMS; TREE LEAVES RUSTLE]
SAM: Much better. Ah, lovely.
[SAM SITS DOWN]
SAM: No, actually, I hate it, that was a mistake, I don’t want I tree there I want a fountain, don’t you think?
[MAGIC HUMS; WATER TRICKLES]
SAM: Lovely! Except, maybe not water, maybe. Oh! Yes. Wine. Oh, what was that kind Oliver really liked? I can’t remember the name. I do remember the taste though.
[MAGIC HUMS; WATER TRICKLES]
SAM: Let’s see.
[WINE SPLASHES INTO A CUP]
SAM: Hmm. That’s almost right, I think. Not quite as sweet as the stuff Oli liked but it’s pretty damn close don’t you think?
Um.
Yeah.
Um. Oliver?
[WEIRD STATIC]
OLIVER: It’s alright, magpie.
SAM: It sure is. Here, take this wine and tell me what you–
[GLASS SHATTERS]
SAM: Ugh, look at the state of that! It’s all over the floor!
OLIVER: Everything will be alright.
SAM: Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. No matter.
[MAGIC HUMS; GLASS TINKLES]
SAM: There, all better. It’s not your fault. Still not fully corporeal, are you? Hmm. The Man in the Flat Cap managed it with Guy Manford, I’m sure I can get there. I just don’t quite know how. All this inanimate stuff I can get to be tactile, you know, it’s just you I’m having trouble with.
OLIVER: It’s alright, magpie.
SAM: Thanks, I appreciate you being so understanding, I just. Hmm. Maybe that’s it! It’s that it’s you. Maybe I should practice with someone less. Um. Less you. The townspeople, they all came out alright! Right. Let me think about this, who would be the best person to use as a guinea pig? Hmm.
EGGROLL: Prrn?
SAM: Huh. Not a bad idea. I will start with a cat. Let’s see. I’ll make a new Revel. How’d you like that, Mr Stroppy Pants? Huh?
REVEL: Mrrrrnnn.
SAM: No no, I won’t listen to your complaints until you apologise for trying to ruin everyone’s fun. It’s just not fair to them, Revel, okay? You can’t just lead people out of their bubbles, alright? Not everyone’s happiness can overlap, it’s important they stay separate. Okay, let’s see.
[MAGIC HUMS]
[SPIRIT BOX SKIPPING, WHICH GETS QUIETER, AND FADES INTO STATIC WHICH CRACKLES QUIETLY AND NEVER FULLY FADES. ALL THE CHARACTERS SOUND THIN, LIKE THEIR VOICES ARE COMING OUT OF A RADIO]
BETH: Oh, it’s cute!
KITTY: It is, isn’t it? Indi!
INDI: Kitty? Where did you go?
KITTY: Cat showed up again. We went on a little trip.
INDI: Who’s your friend?
BETH: Hi. Beth. I’m real too.
INDI: You mean. You’re not sort of hollow. Like the people in town?
BETH: Yep. Definitely solid. Present and correct.
INDI: I’ll be damned. Kitty, you were right.
KITTY: Don’t sound so surprised.
INDI: So what do you think this place is, Beth who is real?
BETH: My best guess is we’re all dead and this is some sort of limbo.
INDI: Oh, not you too.
KITTY: It’s a good point!
INDI: Is it though? Do you feel dead?
KITTY: No, but what sort of a question even is that, really?
INDI: Aren’t you happy here?
KITTY: No. I mean, I’m happy with you, I’m happy with the chickens and the pigs but. This. There’s something not right here and I know you feel it too, Indi.
INDI: Yeah. I feel it. But does it matter?
KITTY: What’s that supposed to mean?
INDI: If we’re happy, what does it matter where we are or how we got here?
KITTY: And if we’re dead?
INDI: Then we’re dead and happy.
KITTY: Well, that’s very sweet and everything, but don’t you think it’s a bit nihilistic?
INDI: Who cares if it’s nihilistic? Don’t you want to be happy?
KITTY: I do, yes, but don’t you want to find out what’s going on here?
INDI: I don’t care either way, but. What if it stops?
KITTY: I’m not going anywhere, whatever this place is. I’m ride or die, you know that.
INDI: Yeah?
KITTY: Yeah.
BETH: Um, sorry to interrupt but like. Is there usually a large hole in the sky like that?
KITTY: A what?
INDI: No. No there is not.
KITTY: Look at the edges…
INDI: I can sort of… hear them?
BETH: Yeah. Like, I’m looking but I definitely hear it more than see it.
[STATIC]
[STATIC]
[NORMAL, NOT ON-A-RADIO SOUNDING AGAIN]
SAM: Revel, I thought you said you took Kitty back?!
REVEL: Mrrp.
SAM: So why am I still getting interference on the radio?
REVEL: Meep.
SAM: Oh, Revel! You let her bring Beth!? But– Ugh. Fine, you know what, actually, that’s fine because I couldn’t work out what I could tell Beth to make her truly happy anyway. This can be another experiment. Cosmo?
COSMO: Mrrrp.
SAM: You’ll go check up on Beth later, see if being around Indi and Kitty is the thing that makes her happiest, okay?
COSMO: Mrr!
SAM: Great. Just a minor change of narrative I suppose. Just a little one.
[SPIRIT BOX SKIPPING, WHICH GETS QUIETER, AND FADES INTO STATIC WHICH CRACKLES QUIETLY AND NEVER FULLY FADES. ALL THE CHARACTERS SOUND THIN, LIKE THEIR VOICES ARE COMING OUT OF A RADIO]]
[OBJECTS SHAKING]
ANNA: Arlo? Arlo where are you!?
ARLO: (distantly) I’m okay! I’m outside!
[RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, OBJECTS CONTINUE TO SHAKE]
ANNA: What’s happening?
ARLO: It’s not an earthquake, look, look at the sky.
ANNA: It’s… it looks like it’s tearing.
ARLO: Yeah. I can see.
[SHAKING STOPS]
ANNA: It’s stopped.
ARLO: Yeah.
ANNA: Can you… hear it? When you look at it?
ARLO: The radio?
ANNA: Yes. The radio.
ARLO: You can hear the radio when you look at the hole in the sky.
ANNA: But it’s different, isn’t it? Can’t you tell?
ARLO: Normally he’s talking about us. But he’s not talking about us now, is he?
ANNA: No, he’s talking about… wait. Are those people?
ARLO: Maybe?
[FOOTSTEPS]
ANNA: Don’t get closer.
ARLO: It’s the sky, Anna, I can’t get closer by walking towards it.
ANNA: You don’t know that. We’re looking at the sky and we can hear the host of the radio show.
ARLO: They’re waving.
ANNA: Should we wave back?
ARLO: I guess?
ANNA: Hello, sky people.
ARLO: Do think that that’s supposed to happen?
ANNA: Well, I. I don’t know. Maybe? There’s never been a hole in the sky before, how should I know if it’s supposed to happen?
ARLO: I don’t know. What about the radio?
ANNA: I– I don’t know. I think you shouldn’t be able to hear by looking. It’s not sound, is it, but I can hear it. I can hear… more than one story at once.
[DISTANT SOUNDS OF A SPIRIT BOX SKIPPING THROUGH CHANNELS]
ANNA: Do you hear that?
ARLO: It changed, didn’t it?
ANNA: I think so.
[FOOTSTEPS, FIRST ON SOFT EARTH, THEN TILE. THE SPIRIT BOX SOUNDS GET LOUDER, THEN STOP, BECOMING ONE SOLID SOUND; IT’S THE INTRO MUSIC FOR SPIRIT BOX RADIO]
ARLO: Anna?
ANNA: I… I know this song.
ARLO: Yeah. Me too. (Pause) Anna. What were you doing, before the sky tore open?
ANNA: I was listening to the radio. I was trying–
ARLO: Trying to find the host?
ANNA: Yes.
ARLO: Why?
ANNA: I don’t know, really. I just. I felt like something should be happening now. But I couldn’t find the right channel. I can never find the right channel when I’m trying to find it. Then sometimes I switch the radio on and there he is.
ARLO: Why does it matter so much to you?
ANNA: Because he tells our story, Arlo! Not just the bit about you and me and the house, the part that loops. Sometimes there are spaces in between and he talks about us holding hands late at night, and it’s like it’s happening, even though you’re asleep in bed and I’m there in the kitchen by the radio, and I feel this ripple, this strange little… I don’t know. Like a hole, and I can hear it so clearly, the radio, when those moments happen, where he’s saying what’s supposed to be and it isn’t. And it isn’t because I stop it. And then. I don’t know. Sometimes I– I listen and then I. I feel like I have to do what he said. Like I’ll climb the stairs and go to your bed and lay there next to you and hold your hand, and you turn over and you say, ‘are you okay’, and I say I’m fine because that’s what he said I said, and it was supposed to have happened already, but it’s happening now, not quite smoothly, it’s like– like running your hand against the way the fur lies, but then. It gets soft again, and it’s okay, and I the sound of the radio is quieter, and– I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
ARLO: It’s okay, you don’t have to be sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you. Something is going on. There is a hole in the sky and we can hear it.
[STATIC]
KITTY: It’s like, it’s telling the story of us, the voice in the sky, they’re telling the story of us. So. Maybe, what if I say ‘I’m stepping through the hole in the sky and standing in the field on the other side’?
[STATIC]
KITTY: Okay, it did something, it did, it did. I’m stepping through the hole in the sky and standing in the field on the other side.
[STATIC]
ANNA: That woman, she’s stepping through the hole in the sky and into our field!
ARLO: She is!
[TUMBLING, RUSTLING GRASS]
KITTY: Oh my gods. It actually worked.
ANNA: (tearful) Kitty?
KITTY: Anna!
[THEY HUG, ANNA SOBBING]
INDI: Hi.
ARLO: Hey.
BETH: Alright, lads?
ANNA: Thank goodness you’re alright!
KITTY: You remembered me?!
ANNA: No! But now I see you I know who you are! You’re my sister!
KITTY: Yeah! And you’re mine.
INDI: State the bleeding obvious, sweetheart, why don’t you?
ANNA: And you’re… Indifference?
INDI: Huh. Yeah. I think I was. Not so sure about that anymore now. It’s just Indi.
ANNA: Yes. Indi. And you… you’re…
BETH: Regular Caller Beth!
ANNA: That’s right! Beth! Off the radio!
ARLO: She knows the host.
INDI: We all know the host.
KITTY: Sam.
[ANNA GASPS]
ANNA: Sam.
[STATIC]
[SPIRIT BOX SKIPPING]
[NORMAL AUDIO]
SAM: A– Anna?
She. She said my name.
She shouldn’t remember my name.
[THE ARCANE SHIMMERS BRIGHTLY]
No, no, no. Anna, Kitty, Indi, Arlo and Beth. They’re all together. Revel. He’s gone. He’s with them. No, NO! This isn’t supposed to be happening. There’s a big hole in their havens, how did this happen?! They can’t know this– that. This is not the way it’s supposed to be, they can’t be together if they’re going to be happy.
OLIVER: Everything will be alright.
SAM: No it won’t. And you’re NOT REAL.
OLIVER: It’s alright, Magpie.
SAM: It isn’t. It isn’t. And nothing will be alright for me, not ever again, and it’s your fault, it’s all your fault.
[SAM GASPS QUIETLY]
No, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, it’s not your fault, it’s not, it’s not.
OLIVER: It’s alright, Magpie.
[SAM HOWLS WITH TEARS]
SAM: You don’t smell right. I can’t work out what I’ve done wrong, but you don’t– you don’t smell right, I haven’t made you right. You’re just. An echo, and I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.
OLIVER: Everything will be alright.
SAM: I hope you’re happy. The real you, I mean. Real Oliver. I hope I got your story right for you, my darling. I hope you’re happy where you are, in your little cottage, with the man you love. I’m so sorry, my sweet thing, my love. I did my best. I really did.
OLIVER: It’s alright, Magpie.
[SAM’S BREATH CATCHES]
SAM: Okay, love. Okay. It’s okay. I can fix it. I can fix it all again. It’s going to be fine. I just need to work out how I’m going to do it.
[END]
Hanging Sloth 